How to use your KWOON deck
Hello, and thank you for being some of the first to experience KWOON.
These cards are yours now. I hope that you find they take you on journeys of healing and discovery that lift your vibration over time and help you to feel more whole and free! On the other side of discomfort is growth. And on the other side of honest vulnerability is wholeness. May we all be resilient enough to get there.
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Keep on flowing….
Shannon
What is Kwoon?
Kwoon is the Chinese word for ‘training hall’ or school. It is the equivalent of the word “dojo” in Japanese. These cards are meant to take you to school - the school of your SELF.
Many mystics, philosophers and scholars, my father included, have said, “Know yourself!” But what exactly does that mean, why is it so vital, and how do you do it? Most people take that phrase to mean ‘understand who you are so that you can discover your purpose, passion, gifts….’ And, of course, it does mean that. But in focusing only on what we want, we often miss the parts that need attention, healing, love, releasing. And those parts are just as important, if not more so, to discover, especially if you are interested in leveling up and feeling more free and at peace.
The idea behind these cards is that a question is an open doorway that can lead us to explore and discover endless horizons if we know how to look deeply and honestly. As you look at these cards, you may think that some of the questions are very similar and simple. But as you go a little deeper through the methods I describe, you start to realize how specific words have their own vibration and meaning that are highly personal. Our specific experiences and knowledge inform the meaning that we apply to the words. So, as you journey forth, consider how each card is a path unto itself for you to walk down.
In order to remove anything that limits or binds us, we must learn to observe ourselves. This is a process I call “cultivating the witness.” We need to look deeply at what keeps us locked in cycles or patterns of frustration, hurt, disassociation and judgment so that we can learn how to be free, how to be at peace and how to just be. It is also important to know what we love and care about so that we know where to turn for relief when we’ve wandered into deep discomfort. But there’s a little more to consider with regard to the witness.
Being able to witness your thoughts and feelings means that we are not solely our thoughts and feelings. There is something that notices and something that is untouched by the thoughts and feelings. This ‘something’ is important to connect with. Not just because it will give us more ‘control’ over our ability to respond rather than react, but because as we cultivate the silent and peaceful witness in ourselves, we start to see that there is a part of us that is always ok. Further still, there is a part that is not only ok, but wise, a place of true solace where the knowledge we gain about ourselves is transformed into wisdom. That place is our being; it is our essence, our soul. And THAT is our drop of god - our piece of the oneness of all that is, the spiritual intelligence of the universe, unconditional love, or whatever term feels best. As we learn to attune to this vibration, we get to experience this oneness within us.
But cultivating the witness is just the first step. Once we start to gain proficiency in witnessing, we start to find the objectivity required for our healing, acceptance, grace, compassion, wellbeing, and wholeness through a self-honest lens. The step beyond that then is to integrate the witness into our everyday lives so that there are less and less moments of separation within and more and more resilient and powerful presence all around.
So then, with these cards, we will first try to create some separation so we can observe and experience just how separate we’ve been in order to then return to a sense of wholeness, peacefulness and freedom. After all, we lead others to freedom by cultivating freedom in ourselves, not by imposing our version of freedom on others. And my wish is that these cards can be a useful tool in leading us there.
But let me just drop a quick reminder here that the tool doesn’t do the work, the wielder of the tool does. No matter what anyone suggests for you to practice, it is still you and you alone who must find the path that will lead you to your own freedom. As my father said, “Although I can tell you what is not freedom, I cannot tell you what is, because that you must discover for yourself.”
How to Use These Cards
There are several ways to use these cards both alone and with others.
But first some guidance…
On their face, each card holds one question. If the question evokes an emotional or uncomfortable reaction, that’s great! If it ignites your brain to answer factually and rationally, also great. If you have a concise and readily available answer, terrific! And if you don’t, also great. Because the question is just the beginning of a potentially infinite path.
In working with these cards, I suggest you first reach for the most readily available answer that comes to you, but then I ask you take it a little further.
Each question speaks to a specific quality. Let’s say you draw the card “What feels risky?” First you answer with whatever comes up first. But then I ask that you dig down a few layers. You could contemplate what “risk” means to you. How would you personally define it? Does your definition deepen anything for you?
Then perhaps you want to frame questions around other interrogatives – who, where, when, why, how? When was the last time you felt at risk? Is there anyone around whom you feel this way consistently? Are there specific places or situations where you feel at risk? Why might you feel at risk? How do you deal with risk when it shows up? What is your response?
Feel free, of course, to untether yourself and engage with whatever comes up. For example, why do I feel unsafe with this person, or in this circumstance, generally? Conversely, what is important to me about safety? How are risk and safety related? Does safety exist outside of me or inside of me? What do I need to heal in myself to feel less at risk? And on and on…..Don’t be precious around the initial question. Let is unwind and take you wherever you find to go.
Another way to assess the question is not just with your mind, but with your body and spirit as well. So, not just ‘what do I think’, but ‘how do I feel’ about this? What happens in your body when you ponder this question. What discomfort arises or what joy? Where are you holding that?
When you look at this in terms of spirit (which I take to mean, our energy and the aliveness we use to walk through life), what happens? Does your energy blossom or shrink when you think about this question in the framework of your relationships, your community, your country and the world? Do your answers shift with each new framework? Is there any relationship between the micro and the macro? The inner and the outer? Is there something in your personal perspective that you can bring to your broader perspective or vice versa? Are you operating with any double standards?
Most importantly, stay out of judgment and stay in curiosity. This is the golden rule of this process! You will shortchange what you can get out of this if you fall into judgment (of self or others.) You are on a journey of self-discovery, and if you put up barriers to that, then you will stay fixed in whatever pattern, behavior, reaction, limitation that caused it in the first place. In other words, you will feel less free – free to grow, evolve, feel at ease, peaceful, good, content, trusting, loving – whatever freedom feels like to you.
If you need a little help with prompts for each question, you will soon be able to scan the QR code at the bottom of this page and find voice prompts from me to help you loosen up your inquiry and go a little deeper. These should be available by the end of the year.
My wish for you is that, with practice, you can start to look more deeply at everything within you and outside of you (as a reflection of you) in order to find the path toward your personal freedom and a greater love of all that is, of which you are the most important part.
Personal Card Work
Here are some ways you can work with the cards on your own, and I suggest that you work with them on your own first to get the hang of the unwinding path before working with others, but, of course, you can do whatever you like.
Weekly
One way I like to work with the cards is to pull one card a week and sit with it for 5-10 minutes each day throughout the week. I prop the card up somewhere I know I will be (for me that’s my desk) so I can easily see it and be reminded to interact with it. I like to journal so I will make note of the date and write down the question, and then I will just start digging in and let myself go wherever I feel compelled to go. But maybe you are not a journaler, which is fine! You can just sit in contemplation. You can speak your inquiry out loud and record the answers on your phone. Whatever works best for you. I do suggest you try to record your answers somehow so that you can return to them to aid you in your noticing. I find that often times some very profound perspective or wisdom comes through and returning to it helps me to remember to carry it with me.
Try not to be too precious or rigid. If your inquiry leads you off on a tangent and away from the question at hand, that’s ok. Let it go where it wants to go. Maybe there’s something interesting in why it took you there, some unforeseen connection, or why you may have moved into distraction (if that’s what happened). It’s all good information for you. Sitting with the same question for a week is a nice practice also because you feel differently on different days, and it’s worthwhile to discover how your mood or outside circumstances effect your responses as well. If you’re noticing that you don’t want to engage or you fall off from engaging, perhaps ask yourself why. Whatever happens is ok. There is no wrong answer. There is only what you allow yourself to observe and learn.
Daily
Another way to work with these cards is, of course, daily! Interact with a different question each day per the suggestions above. See how a particular question hits you on a particular day. You can work through the cards systematically or you can shuffle and draw randomly. I prefer the random method because I believe in putting my trust in the idea that if the same question keeps popping up, then perhaps there is something in that for me. Perhaps I am being asked to look more deeply rather than move on; or maybe I may need this particular question again on this particular day or in this particular moment.
Another interesting way to work daily is to sit with a question at the beginning of the day and then look back at it again at the end of the day and consider whether or not some version of the question came into play during your day and how you interacted with it. Or if your perspective shifted or any new ideas came through.
Mind, Body, Spirit
Whether daily or weekly, another fun way to consider the cards is mentally, emotionally and physically. Spend 5 minutes or so sitting with the question analytically first. What rational and logical or imaginative answers come through. What does your brain/mind have to say about the question.
Then spend 5 minutes feeling the question. What does your body have to say about this question? What feelings arise? What sensations? Are they comfortable or uncomfortable? Where in your body to they sit? Are they stuck or are they moving? Can you allow the feelings to exist without trying to change them? Does your body have any information for you?
Lastly, engage your spirit – your animating life force - to see what it has for you. Try sitting or standing and moving with the question. Talk it through out loud and allow your body to move however it feels called to move. Do you find yourself frozen? Or are you swaying? Do you feel expansive or are you shrinking? Let yourself expand or shrink. Do you find yourself curling up in a ball or skipping? Let your energy flow freely. If tears come, let them come. If laughter comes, welcome it. Whatever is there, is there for you to witness, explore and accept. There’s nothing weird or broken in you, only parts of yourself that are trying to interact with you and it’s all you! So give yourself permission to experience yourself and see what happens!
Connections
You can also use these cards as an ecosystem and even an oracle deck of sorts. As an ecosystem, select 3 cards without looking at them (by whatever method you enjoy but always shuffle them up first.) Then turn three cards over and work with this suite of questions. You can start by answering them each independently, but then I encourage you to try to make a connection between the questions and how they work together and play out in your life. Are these topics related in some way? Does a question about peace relate to a question about love or fear? How so? What connections might you be able to notice?
To use this deck as an oracle, think of an issue, a mystery, an obstacle, a goal, and hold this in your mind before, again, drawing 3 cards and placing them face down. Flip the cards over and try to relate the questions that appear to whatever inquiry you were having. How can you ask these questions of yourself in relation to the issue or goal at hand? Do the questions help you explore or uncover anything? Remember not to be rigid or overly rational. Feel into it mind, body and spirit and see what shows up.
Using the Cards with Others
The cards can also be used with a partner and in groups. As my father said, “Relationship is the mirror in which you see yourself.” What does this mean? I believe the main role of relationships (of all kinds) is to support our own personal growth. Sometimes they help us by showing us our suffering and sometimes by showing us what unconditional love and support looks like. Both inputs are valuable if you know how to look at yourself through the lens of the relationship. So don’t think of this as trying to uncover something intimate and juicy about another person; think about it as uncovering something intimate and juicy about yourself.
Working with others requires vulnerability and trust and so if you don’t have that, then I suggest you work with the cards on your own first until you find someone you can share vulnerably with and without blowback. That being said, the experience of blowback (non-physical blowback, of course) can be a valuable experience as well if you know how to feel internally safe and use it to look at yourself.
It is of utmost importance in partner work to follow my previous guideline (the Kwoon golden rule) to stay out of judgment and stay in curiosity! Working with others can be provoking in all sorts of ways. What you don’t want to do is use these cards to “catch someone out” with their answers. Because of that, I offer these guidelines first.
1. Stay out of judgment and stay in curiosity! Always return to what you are hearing and witnessing with compassionate curiosity. There are no wrong (or right) answers!
2. Discuss and agree beforehand if you will or will not allow each other to talk about what comes up afterward.
It’s good to check in with your partner or group to ask if everyone feels comfortable sharing. If anyone is hesitant or doesn’t want to participate, that should be honored. If others are watching the work and not participating, it should be with consent around what is private and what is not. There should also be a check in around sharing the experience outside the container of this process with others who weren’t there. If anyone would like privacy outside the exchange, that should be honored. You can still tell others how it was a wonderful or challenging experience without sharing another’s personal details. Feeling safe and respected is the best way to go deep with yourself and others.
3. Set a timer and keep your inquiry to the time period.
This can be really helpful so that there is a definitive end point to the inquiry, and it doesn’t devolve in any way. I suggest five minutes. Five minutes can feel short or it can feel like a lifetime. If you feel like you were just getting into something real when the timer goes off, then request to reset a timer for another five minutes and keep going. Also, if you get cut off, maybe that’s interesting! What is the experience of that for you? This is good information as well and good to sit with. Did you feel cheated? Unheard? What can you take away from that experience? What requests do you need to make? It can be useful to have a moment to journal or share about your experience in between rounds for good reflection. And it can also be useful not to! ☺
4. Take turns. No one should be the only one being vulnerable UNLESS that’s the agreed upon format.
When partnering (unless previously agreed to), each person should take a turn answering a question(s). I suggest that one person makes the inquiry and pulls on their threads of curiosity-based sensing while the other answers and then you switch for the next round. If the person making the inquiry gets stuck, then it can be very useful to just sit in awkward silence and allow yourself to try to get back to what you are witnessing. This is a nice way to practice re-presencing yourself in the midst of discomfort. Such a great skill to develop! After all, just remind yourselves that you are not alone, you are here being uncomfortable together!
5. Share a hug, handshake, high five or bow before you start and after you finish.
It’s really important to “set the container” before you begin and when you finish working with a partner or group. You can also do this when working with just yourself! What does this mean? In martial arts, students bow to their instructors and to each other before they engage in any practice or sparring. It is not to be servile or pay homage but rather as a sign of mutual respect and as an intention to show up fully. And so, I suggest that you do the same. A nod, bow, handshake, is a way to say I acknowledge you, I acknowledge what we are about to share, I intend to show up fully, and I intend to do my best. Though there are no winners or losers, especially in this work, you will note that martial artists also bow or touch hands when they finish competing no matter the outcome. This is meant as an acknowledgment for the valiant effort that each person put in and to respect that effort no matter the result. Remember we are all imperfect and that’s actually perfect. Where we make a mistake or react without skill is how our most important work is revealed. So that’s why not having judgment is so important and how curiosity will ultimately lead to compassion.
When I work this process with others, I like to set it up as a martial arts engagement. The participant(s) and I bow to each other before we begin; I typically work as the inquirer; we work with a timer in 3 five minute rounds; and we stand facing each other on a mat while engaging. Why do I have people stand? I ask people to stand because the hardest thing to do is stay present and connected when you are uncomfortable, and standing with nothing around you, while making eye contact, while trying to stay curious, sensitive, and vulnerable, is uncomfortable and challenging. As any martial artist knows, the hardest place to keep your cool is under duress. That’s what you train for – to be able to call on your skillfulness when you are your most stressed. Now, no one here is actually fighting (physically, socially or emotionally) but remember what I said about cultivating the witness? Working with others is always going to be a more profound way of testing your ability to step into objective witnessing – not just your ability to witness another, but to witness what happens within you as you work with another. That’s why I often talk about the usefulness of good “sparring partners” and why I set this up like it’s a face off.
A sparring partner is meant to make you better., not to knock you out. If everyone holds onto the intention of being better - learning, growing, sensing, practicing and implementing skillful curiosity, then this can be a significantly useful tool for growth.
Working with a Partner
When working with a partner, it’s easiest to start off seated. It removes one layer of discomfort from the situation and is a good way to give partnering a try. As mentioned, consider using a timer, decide how you will start and end - with a nod, hug, bow, touch hands, etc, how may rounds you will do, what your level of post discussion discretion will be, and take turns.
Taking Turns
Decide if you will both answer the same question or if you will draw separate questions. I suggest you draw intuitively, without looking at the cards (face down) and you don’t flip the first card over until the round begins. I also suggest that the inquirer does not show the person answering the question before the round begins. The bell or timer should ring, you bow, and the question starts the engagement. This is how I like to do it, but, again, there is no wrong way. And in fact, there is only the way that is right for you!
I like to have the person answering draw their cards and hand them to the inquirer without looking at them. This keeps the answerer from preparing and overthinking before beginning. It’s best if this process is spontaneous and organic.
I also suggest that you don’t discuss the process until it is complete. So if you’ve each decided to answer 2 questions a piece in two five minute rounds a piece, then don’t talk about your experience until you have finished all four rounds and closed out the session with your bow or hug. This is important because it is too easy to interrupt the flow and get into your head and start intellectualizing everything if you begin to reflect on your experience before it is over.
Eye contact is key. Try to maintain connection. And notice when you or your partner pulls away or breaks the connection. Also notice what happens when the connection stays strong! There will be a natural instinct to “get in your head” with your answers and tell a story. If you notice this happening, slow down the person answering, ask for eye contact to be reestablished and try to ask a feeling question so they stay out of their head as much as possible.
When the engagement is over, I do suggest you have some small integration/reflection time. How was that for you? What was uncomfortable? What was interesting or helpful? What didn’t work? How might you adjust it? What did it feel like having the timer go off? Remember, this is not an opportunity to criticize each other. It is an opportunity to describe what you witnessed – in yourself and in the exchange. If you or your partner shut down or disengaged or were not being as vulnerable as you would have liked, it’s just for you to notice, maintain curiosity about and look inwardly at for what your feelings were. It is not for you to change another, but to change yourself.
Since just doing one round each can take ten minutes or so, consider starting slow. Maybe you just each do one round to start. Or maybe you do 3 minute rounds instead of five and do 2-3 rounds each. Start slow and build to whatever methods seem most useful to you. Again, there is no wrong way!
After you have played around with the process sitting down a few times, try to engage with the process standing up. I like doing this standing because it often times adds another layer of awkwardness. Discomfort is where the growth edge is. I suggest you face each other with about 4 feet between you. You shouldn’t be able to reach out and touch the other person, but you should be able to hear each other easily and see each other’s whole body. We rarely face off this way when discussing deep things and so it should feel strange! This is by design. How does it change your ability to stay present and sensitive? These are all good inputs for your witness and is designed to help you to learn how to maintain presence and sensitivity when conditions change.
Working an Issue
Another way to work this with a partner is to ask someone to be your inquirer around a particular issue you are working on. In this instance, you may decide not to take turns but rather to have one person answer all the questions pulled in reference to the particular thing they are working on. I suggest you pull at least 2-3 cards when working an issue. If you are doing five minute rounds, this will take 10 to fifteen minutes total and is meant to give you some insight into where you may need to put your attention on how you’ve been approaching things.
In this case, you may want to ask your inquirer for their feedback when you have finished the session. This can be highly useful, especially with someone you trust to give honest and compassionate feedback. You might ask your partner what they noticed in you. Where did you seem stuck, confused or shut down? Where did you blossom or expand? Someone else witnessing you can in turn help you to be a better witness to yourself. For example, maybe you kept darting your eyes off to the side and you didn’t realize it. Or your breathing changed without you noticing. This kind of witnessing can be very useful in knowing yourself better!
It is also useful to ask what both people witnessed or experienced in terms of mind, body and spirit. It is great for sharpening our intuitive senses and also for reaching for feedback from places other than just the mind. The body has information for us; we often just forget to ask and listen.
In general, think of this as serious play and get creative! There’s no wrong way to play or “right” structure that you must adhere to. Your life and experience are your own. Feel into what feels right for you and proceed accordingly! Just remember, to stay out of judgment and stay in curiosity!
Working in Groups
Lastly, you can work with these cards in groups as well.
Everyone can draw a card and do solo work by journaling.
One person can draw cards for everyone and everyone can answer the question for themselves by journaling
One person draws and you engage in open discussion around a question for a set amount of time. The bigger the group, the more time you should give
You can pair off and do partner work and then come back together for a group discussion. You can all work the same questions for a group discussion or you can all work different questions and just focus on your experiences in the discussion.
Make up any way that you would like to play and give it a try!
There is also benefit in rapid fire, first thing that pops in your head techniques as well! It can show you where you mind wants to reactively go.
I have used these question prompts for spontaneous painting, writing, and movement play.
Get creative!